I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
