all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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