Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
