I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
