I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
