hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is an emotional support booty call
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
