Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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