is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
