remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
