apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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