I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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