I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
