The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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