he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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