If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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