What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
