Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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