im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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