we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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