Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
