I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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