You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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