I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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