just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could punch you in the face.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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