you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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