im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
