Tell her she can't have a vagina
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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