I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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