I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
