i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
