I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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