I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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