I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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