pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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