I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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