I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
