I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
