I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
