I can text with my tongue
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
