You can't motorboat a personality
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
