So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
