So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
