the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
operation harelip BJ is a go
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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