you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize