Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
