I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
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