You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
