I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
