Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
