We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
