you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
