I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
