don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
