On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
