i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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