i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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