I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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