ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
