Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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