He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
