I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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