If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
